Starting over
by Lisse08
Summary: After a break up one year ago, Misaki was back and bumped into Usagi by accident. Things wouldn’t be easy for them because Misaki isn’t alone. Now included JE and JT couples.
1. Reunion

**Title: Starting Over**

**Written by Lisse08**

**Chapter 1: Reunion**

**Summary: After a break up one year ago, Misaki was back and bumped into Usagi by accident. Things wouldn't be easy for them because Misaki isn't alone.**

A/N Okay, because I love JR so much that I started writing a fanfic for them even before I finish the series. I'm still in volume 8, plus I skipped JE and JT. Not that I'm not interested, the other two couple are cute especially Shinobu, but I simply want to finish JR faster. Anyway, there are things that I might not know because of this, if there's anything wrong with the information I wrote, pls correct me.

….

The sun ray shone bright onto the busy road. People passed by his side, of those whom he wasn't at all interested in. Usami Akihiko lowered his summer cap, not wanting to be recognized by anyone while at the same time trying to protect himself from the burning sun. He continued to walk on the street, passing by shops hurriedly.

It's been a year since the break-up…

I wondered how he is doing now.

He shifted the cap even lower. No, there weren't any tears. In fact, he never did once cry about it. Because…

"U—Usagi-san…?"

His eyes widened in silent shock. There are only two people in this world who called him by the name Usagi. Takahiro, one of which he was sure wouldn't be appearing here at all place. Since Takahiro just told him that he was staying over at Kyoto for this week with Minami. Another one would be none other than…

Panic pulsed in the pit of his stomach. He could practically feel his heart beating, so very clearly besides his ears.

"Misaki…?"

Standing in front of him was a Japanese boy, of average height, intelligent black onyx that had their sizes five times than usual and a glossy black hair that glistened under the bright light…

His heart couldn't cease thumping hard. He never expected to find him here. He couldn't bear to see him now. Not when he still have not healed from the wounds.

Misaki Takahashi.

How much he missed him…

"What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in Australia?" Usagi blurted out. He couldn't hold it in anymore. Over the year, he have been wishing so strongly to be able meet him again. And this is it… a reunion that was granted at this very moment.

Dear god, should I thank you?

"Actually…" Misaki ran a hand through his hair. Usagi had a sudden urge to ruffle them, like he always did when they were together. Yes… _were. _

"I… I finished my study over there… so I came back." He could tell that Misaki was feeling very self-conscious around him. Needless to say, he knew he was the source of this uneasiness.

After all, he was the one who was at fault at the beginning.

His stomach twisted again at the scenes that flashed before his eyes.

I must tell him…

The truth…

Xxxx **Misaki **xxxX

It's not like I have never thought about this possibility. I mean, we are in the same city, even though Tokyo is such a big place, the chance of bumping into him would be one percent. Or it might even be less than that, since I avoided going anywhere near the place where I knew Usagi would be going.

But who ever think that I would be this lucky?

He stared at the man in front. There were mixed feelings residing inside him. He couldn't quite tell which is which apart. Pain, hurt, joy… they were all jumbled up together in that fragile glass heart of his.

But there was one, one of which he recognized without needing to think twice, one that he definitely refused to accept it. He blamed it on the theory that it might be probably because he hadn't seen him in such a long time. Yes… that must be it.

Usagi opened his mouth. Is he trying to say something…? Did I have the courage to listen to it?

"Misa…" I don't want to know. I don't want to listen. I felt the 'stupid' mode of mine, the side which would go rambling about nonsense things to cover up my uneasiness, was about to be activated again when my savior appeared.

"Misaki!!"

A high-pitched voice pierced through the elder man's eardrums, sending alarming signal down to his spines. Usagi visibly tensed. A girl, who was about the same age as Misaki, jogged herself over to them.

"Oh, Miyu." I can't afford myself to be wavered again.

"Sorry it took me this long. I was stuck in the traffic jam."

Xxxx **Usagi **xxxX

His mind went blank. A chilling that was even greater than the December coldness was slowly penetrating his skin, numbing him.

"This is…?" She snapped her head over to him suddenly, as if noticing his presence only then.

"Ah. Sorry. How rude of me." Misaki laughed. "This is Usa…mi Akihiko."

_Usami…? _

The girl named Miyu squealed.

"No wonder he seemed so familiar to me. He's the _great _Usami Akihiko! How come you never told me that you're an acquaintance of him?"

"Um… Not exactly. He is only my ex-landlord."

_Only ex-landlord?_

The girl didn't seem to take in anything. She turned back to him, her eyes filled with enthusiasm.

"Nice to meet you, Usami-sensei. I'm a big fan of yours!" Miyu smiled, so politely that Usagi felt sorry if he didn't reply her back in equal manner.

"Nice meeting you too, Um…"

"Ah…"

Why is your smile so forced?

"This is… Miyu, my…"

Why couldn't my heart stop thumping?

Miyu caught the boy's shoulder, grinning cheerfully.

"It's okay, Misaki. I'll introduce myself. Konnichiwa, Usami sensei. My name's Miyu Ryuko, Misaki's fiancé!"

_I… _

_No, there weren't any tears._

"Misaki…? What's wrong?" Miyu looked over to her fiancé. The expression on Misaki, he recognized it at once, for he had seen it before. The very same one. He could still remember it until this day, the face that had captured his heart, making him all crazy over him.

_In fact, he never did once cry about it._

"Ah…?"

"You're spacing out." Miyu knocked his head.

_Because… _

_I had the faith that you'd fall in love with me again if we did meet._

_That's why I never gave up the idea of waiting for you to return._

_But now… _

_The hope that I built up in myself. _

_Everything…_

"Congratulations, Misaki." The voice was so hollow and empty.

_I felt the world crumbling down around me. _

**TBC **

A/N I was struggling between 'girlfriend' and 'fiancé'. I chose fiance so I kinda end up writing similar thing to what happened with Misaki's brother. But of course, the rest wouldn't be the same as the original plot in manga. XD Until here, pls leave a review about ur thoughts on this story. Thanks a million.


	2. The past

**Title: Starting Over**

**Written by Lisse08**

**Chapter 2: The past  
**

**A/N Thanks to Avarice for providing details of the anime.**

"Misaki…? What's wrong?"

_Damn it… Hadn't this happened before…?_

"Misaki!"

"Ah?" A nudge at his elbow awakened him from his thoughts. Misaki blinked and noticed that Yumi was looking into his eyes, worried. The transient silence in his world was refilled again by the bustles of people and traffics passing by.

_I shouldn't feel sorry… You're the one who dumped me first… _

"You're spacing out." Miyu knocked his head. He rearranged his features, putting a smile on his face to reassure his fiancé that he was fine.

_But then…_

"Congratulations, Misaki." He glanced back at the writer, who wore an expression so faked that he wished to tear it right off.

_Why did I not want to hear your 'congratulations'? _

"Tha—Thank you, Usami sensei." The voice was equally hollow. He looked away. His long-built courage was dissolving rapidly. He realized for the first time that there was no way he could ever meet Usami's gaze straight again.

"And so, Usami sensei. We are going to hold an official engagement party next week at Teito hotel. We will appreciate it if you can come."

He felt like fainting at the spot. All miserable feelings rushed through him. He never wanted to see Usami Akihiko again. Trying to control his overflowing sorrow, he raised his head and smiled a little too politely at Miyu.

"Uh… I think Usami will be really busy, and he won't have time to come…"

"Oh…" Miyu brought a hand up to her lips but Usami interjected.

"Don't worry. I'll be there."

Misaki's heart raced as he fixed his gaze at his ex. These kinds of things are out of his expectations.

Always…

Xxxx **One Year Ago **xxxX

"Say again??" The thunderous voice sent ripples through the mirror-surfaced water in the transparent glass. Misaki jumped a feet. For the first time in his life, Usami realized that he had raised his voice at his lover.

"I'm… I'm sorry…" Misaki muttered, feeling an unknown weakness in his legs.

"Why did you never tell me about it?" Panic surged through every particle in his body. He couldn't believe it. How could he do this? How could he not let him know? How could Misaki sign himself up for the student exchange program without even asking for his permission? And the most ridiculous thing is that, why did the university end up choosing a waitlisted student?

"Back then, it was for fun. I never imagined that I would be chosen…"

"But. You. Don't. Have. To. Go!" The writer hissed his words, his fists inadvertently clenched at his sides. That however went unnoticed by the other boy.

"I want to."

"WHY?"

"It…" Misaki lowered his gaze, looking anywhere but those penetrating eyes. "Because… even though I signed up for fun, studying abroad is indeed my dream."

"Misaki, I could have sponsored you if you tell me."

"That's the point!" The teenager argued. "I don't want to be sponsored by _you._"

Hurt reflected in his eyes. Misaki cringed. This time, he noticed it.

"I mean, I want to earn this with my own effort… I can't always accept your help, especially if it concerns money."

"It isn't about money, Misaki. I'm willing to help you because it's _you_." He swung up the boy's arms. Why couldn't it get through him?

"But it will leave a burden in me. I don't want that!"

"Are you implying that my love is a burden to you?"

"NO!" Misaki slackened the grip as anger boiling up in him rapidly. Silence fell over them as suddenly as the quarrel started. Misaki let out his breath, his eyes fixed upon the other man who became awfully quiet.

"Then, it's fine for us to break up?"

His heart jolted. Both his legs rooted to the ground, unable to move an inch. Misaki stared at the man, there was no trace of humor in his words, the tone was notably cold, and his eyes… they weren't smiling.

"What?"

"Isn't that what you want?"

"What the hell is _THAT_?! It's not like…" He stopped, widening his eyes. "…we are going to…"

"Lots of things can happen in one year, Misaki. You never know. You never know when you would fall in love with other girl. You never know when I would…" Usagi let the remaining sentences hang.

The darkness was eating at his heart, slowly consuming his world as Misaki finally realized what Usami was trying to get him to understand. The tears of sorrow were building up behind the determined green eyes, the last word stuck in his throat. '…separate…'

Drops by drops, they rolled down the teen's face. He never considered about the consequences. He thought one year would pass by in a flash. He even visualized that Usagi might consider moving over to Australia with him but Usagi never brought it up, which suddenly hit him. This thought of his was… so childish… so selfish… of course he wouldn't move. He has family, friends and career here.

"I…" The sudden darkness invaded his heart. He found himself falling into the deep pit of hopelessness, inside which, he was sprawled out on the ground, looking up at Usagi who was flirting with other man. No… This was just an image, an imagination of his that will… never occur? The tears were struggling to reappear again. Misaki tried hard to fight it back. He clenched his fists. "I will not…"

He swallowed the lump back. The irritating feelings were getting to him. Why couldn't he be straight-forward like Usami did?

"I will not…" He has to say it…Every particle inside his body was telling him to say it even if he has to force them out. "… lo—lo…" C'mon… You have to. The tears were fighting again. His whole body trembled under the unbearable strength. Even if in the end… "I… won't l…" …Usagi still want to break up with him… His closed his eyes tight. This time… He must tell him. "I… won't love anyone but Usagi-san."

He said it. He really did… What is Usagi-san's reaction? What…?

Startled, he nearly jumped when a cold hand touched his hair. Usami didn't do anything further than that, which made his anxieties grew.

"You are still planning to go?"

Misaki stared at the ground. The answer?

Yes. Because this is one in a life time chance. This wouldn't be like any other visiting they have been paying to, like a holiday. Now, he will be studying and living there, experiencing a real Australian student life. Just like Shinobu did. He wanted to…

"Usagi-san…"

"I take that as a 'yes…'?" The deep voice was resonating in his ears. He closed his eyes as the lips pressed hard against his own, strong arms embracing him tight.

"Misaki…"

"Hmm…" His muffled voices drown into the kisses. He clawed against the soft fabric, feeling the heat coursing through his body and the tongue touching each other fiercely as if there is no tomorrow. After awhile, Usami let go to give him a second to breathe. He looked up into the entrancing eyes, drawing him in.

"Misaki… I love you…" His hands skillfully slipped beneath the boy's clothes. Misaki gasped at the cold hand running up and down on his skin before closing the gap between their lips.

"I love you…"

"No…"

"I really love you."

"Ah…"

'Even now, he _still _pisses me off…'

Xxxx **Four months later **xxxX

Misaki grabbed up the winter coat that was previously toasted on the bed. He caught a quick glimpse at the photo that was nicely framed. He smiled subconsciously at the grim expression on Usami, the one they had taken together before they parted in front the airport. Usami was still in serious denial, refusing to believe that Misaki is leaving him for real.

He promised that he will return to Japan next week. He was looking forward to it with great anticipations.

But for now, he shouldn't let Shinobu who came all the way from Japan to visit him waited for him.

He put on the coat hurriedly, closed the door behind him and threaded his way out into the snowy day.

**...TBC…**


	3. Hope

**Title: Starting over**

**Chapter 3**

**Written by Lisse08**

The air-con was actually too cold for him to bear. Truth is he was shivering tremendously under the jacket. He always had had these symptoms of getting a cold or sneeze after travelling. And this was no exception.

"Hey, Shinobu."

Shinobu jerked and turned at the one who touched his hand.

"Miyagi."

"You don't look well."

And he certainly didn't want Miyagi to think that he is incapable to take care of himself. Not to mention that he had once lived in Australia. It would be ridiculous for him to think that he couldn't adjust himself to the place where he once lived.

"You're imagining things." He snapped and took up a nearest magazine which his hand could snatch.

"Ah."

"What?"

"Do you think Misaki know about this?" he pointed to the front-page. A sudden overwhelming of headache washed over Miyagi. The news had created quite uproar in Japan since it involved the famous and by far, youngest Naomori Award receiver in the country.

Before he could point out any opinion, a voice called out to them. They both tensed, knowing who it was. Shinobu immediately stuffed the magazine back to its original place. With thunder speed, he managed to cover it up with another nearby car magazine.

"Hey, Misaki." Shinobu greeted.

Seeing the bright smile on the boy's face, they knew, the answer is 'no'.

"Thanks for dropping by, both of you."

"Not at all."

Miyagi gave the copper-haired guy a 'you're-too-fake' smile while Shinobu glared back with a 'shut-up' sign.

Desperate on getting out from the chilling bookstore and dragging Misaki away from the bad news, Shinobu grabbed the boy by his forearm and urged him out.

"Wait a second, it's out!" Misaki stopped him. To his upmost horror, he saw the hand stretching out towards the car magazine which he had just purposely left on top of that _thing_.

"No, wai---" Miyagi had to slap his forehead for that terrorist's brilliant act. If only they didn't choose to stand at this place from the start…

Misaki's eyes were fixed on the photo beneath the book he had just lifted up that was now hanging mid-air on his hand… the person who he had just looked so passionately at thirty minutes ago. Heart beats increased, pumping more powerful than before as his eyes ran across the photo to the headline beneath. Even though there was no need to read it… The picture speaks thousand words.

"**Usami Akihito, and his boyfriend?" **

It was as if the floor beneath his feet suddenly puffed from the thin air, and he was plumping down into the ebony darkness.

"_Lots of things can happen in one year, Misaki._ _You never know. You never know when you would fall in love with other girl. You never know when I would…"_

He didn't have the courage to go into detailed reading on the rest of the article as he caught the random words. His mind raced.

"**A believed boyfriend… caught kissing…"**

"Misaki… Misaki…" He heard his friend, calling out his name from far distance. His heart was nowhere to be found. Subsconsciously, he sensed his muscles spasm and moved. Before he knew it, he was fleeing out from the shop.

"Misaki!"

"Hey, Misaki!" The elder man shout was quickly covered by a dull thud. Misaki didn't turn and see for himself what happened. Even as his legs carried him out from the store and dimly hearing a name that has similar syllabus to "Shinobu!" being shouted, he felt nothing but numb.

Xxxx **Misaki **xxxX

_He never went back to see him after that. He did not want to confirm the truth—the truth that Usagi betrayed him._

_The phone rang incessantly at the bedside. All Misaki did was fixing his eyes on it without moving. He knew who the caller was and that was the person he least wanted to listen to at the moment_.

He stared at the caller's name, the phone vibrating in his hand. Since the ringtone was on, he couldn't hide it from Miyu. So, Misaki had no choice but to press on the 'yes' button, for the first time.

"Misaki." The voice brought a twinge to his heart. He squeezed on the phone, hard, feeling the blood pulsed through his veins. The pressure inside him was growing as he remembered how he had walked off with Miyu right after their meeting back then. He thought that Usami had forgotten or even deleted his contact since he never phoned him anymore until now. Until now… He felt cold sweats forming on his palms.

"Sorry, you have the wrong number."

That took him courage to say these words.

"Misaki."

The low urgent voice vibrated through his eardrum. His heart was wavering once more. Indecisively, he moved his finger over to the 'end call' button in silent.

"Misaki, I know you're listening. I need to tell you…"

Closing his eyes, Misaki pressed down the hung up button before he could have a change of his heart. No. He can't. He has a fiancé. He was due to be married, married to a woman and led a _normal _life with family and children. Moreover, he can't let Miyu down at the moment when they are all immersed in the happiness.

"Wrong call?"

He looked over at the girl, of whom he thought he had fallen madly in love with.

"Yeah…"

In fact, everything's wrong from the start…

Xxxx **Hiroki Usami **xxxX

"Do you have some kind of _fun _with him last night? This place smelled of…" Usami paused and made a sniffing sound before giving his answer. "sex."

"What?!" His face reddened visibly and he seemed to be busying himself with his teaching materials on the table. "Do-Don't talk nonsense."

Luckily for him, Nowaki wouldn't be back for tonight because of his shift in the hospital. When Usami suddenly appeared on the doorway, he was glad that he had put away all the dirty linens that are _indeed _filled with the smell of sperms hours ago. But was the smell that lingered behind _that_ strong?

He had expected Usami to continue making fun of him but that didn't happened.

"You look pathetic…" Hiroki commented and pushed the glass of tea over the table to him. Usami heaved out a sigh.

"For once, I agreed with you."

Hiroki gulped. All nervous giddiness disappeared at the spot. That was not the words that would came out from Usami's lips. Now as he caught a closer look at him, he noticed the distress aura Usami was releasing around him.

"What happened?"

"Misaki." The name sent an electric shock down his spine. Misaki, the name that had never appeared in his life dictionary since a year ago, the lucky boy who had was granted with the exchange program in his class, the lucky boy who he discovered that Usami had his whole heart on…

"I met him on the street this afternoon."

"He came back?"

"He never listened to me, never answered my phone." He watched as the novelist rest his hand on his forehead and sank deeper down into the soft cushion.

"You phoned him?"

"He hung up on me. Just like last time." Usami was answering none of his questions, merely mumbling words of his own.

A faint memory rippled across the surface of his mind. The long lost emotion overflowed his heart. The darkness was hurling him down from the bottom of the pit. Those nights, curling himself up in the blanket, looking at the mailbox that never received letters for him, waiting for a phone that never rang for him… Despite the fact that the books that he was collecting were over-pilling and he seriously needed to consider moving out. Despite the fact that he had managed to find at least three rooms that satisfied him thorough the wait…

"He's getting married… I think, I really should give up…"

"Don't."

Hiroki interrupted. Usami looked up. The look was determined.

"Don't give up on him."

"Why?"

"Because I have proof that he is still waiting for you."

He could feel Usami's eyes widening.

"What is it?"

Keeping his eyes trained on the man, Hiroki's face split into a convincing smile.

"If he truly hated you, why did you think he never changed his number?"

TBC


	4. Stop

**Title: Starting Over**

**Chapter 4: Stop**

**Written by: Lisse08**

"Takahashi."

Misaki froze at his spot, his head rose in shock at the person in front of him.

What the heck? What's with his lucky fortune these days? Where did they go when he most needs them in the exams?

"Morning, Kamijou sensei." Hiroki smiled, and asked a question that he already did know the answer of, "when did you come back?"

"Last week." Misaki said.

"I heard that you're getting married." He noticed Misaki tensed. Crap! Hiroki nearly smacked himself at the spot. He didn't intend to let the boy know that he was getting in touch with Usami. "I mean, I heard it from Nowaki," Nowaki doesn't know him! "And Nowaki heard it from Shinobu." That's even absurd! "I mean…"

"You heard it from Usami sensei…" the Japanese boy finished for him. Scratching his head, Hiroki grew solemn.

"Takahashi, what you see from the news isn't what you think. You have to believe Usami that he didn't betray you."

Misaki turned around. Damaged was done. It can't be undo.

"That's not the problem, sensei." Gaining on the strength, Misaki started to run.

"Takahashi!"

Hiroki heaved out a sigh, watching the back of the boy disappeared from his sight. He looked down at the shopping bag in his hand, thousands of thoughts formed.

Xxxx **JE **xxxX

"I'm back."

Hiroki felt as if the ground gave away from beneath his feet. His heart skipped beats. Putting down the chopping knife, he hastily took all the dishes down from the table and shoved them into whatever that could fit them in, in the oven, under the desk…

Nowaki raised his brows as he heard the percussions from the kitchen. He flinched when he heard something akin to a dish crashed onto the floor.

"Hiro-san, are you okay?" Worried, he walked nearer towards the place, when all of a sudden, the lecturer stepped out from behind the wall.

"Nowaki! Welcome back, I thought you said you won't be back until 8." Hiroki laughed.

"My patient is making progress, so sen-pai let me off early. Besides, today…" Nowaki shook his head when another thought hit him. "What happened in the kitchen?"

No good!

"AH!" Hiroki stepped in, putting a hand on his chest to stop him. He can't let him find out now.

"I broke a dish, that's all, since you surprised me. I didn't expect anyone to be home at this time. Don't bother yourself, I can clean it up later." He mumbled.

"Hiro-san." Feeling a strong grip on his waist, he was stunned as it was raised up to level with Nowaki's eyes. He felt a sudden tug from behind his back, his feet stumbled forward. He looked up reflexively and swallowed a silent gasp. Too close. Nowaki was within kissing distance, his body heat on him. He felt himself entranced by the deep blue onyx. "Are you hurt?"

Hiroki jerked, slackened the grip and stepped back, putting a good three meter distance between them. Even without looking at a mirror, he knew his face was flushing red.

"No… I'm fine. You should take a bath first. I'm almost done with the dinner."

There was a transient silence before the replied was given.

"Alright." He looked at the floor, listened as the footsteps brought his lover away from him.

Had he looked up, he would have seen the disappointed look flashing across Nowaki's face…

Xxxx **JR **xxxX

Misaki's paces were slow and heavy. Why did Kamijo sensei say that?

Usagi-san couldn't possibly have meant that kiss as an accident. The photo from a year back was still imprinted deep in his mind. He squeezed his eyes tight, for it was hurting him. He didn't want to be reminded of it. No matter how hard he tried thorough the years, never to let his thoughts strayed anywhere near him, it still failed.

He watched at his own shadow that was stretched long on the ground.

"Misaki!"

_Not again!_

Heart thumping, he crossed his fingers silently behind and wished that it was a dream. This person is the second on his 'to-avoid' list, i.e, the other man in that photo, the face that haunted him every night in his dreams. He couldn't believe, either, that this friend, whom he had put so much faith in, betrayed him as well. He turned slowly.

Indeed, it was Sumi sen-pai.

Xxxx

"Misaki, why didn't you give me a call?" Sumi walked nearer, approaching him. Misaki subconsciously took a step back. This is the worst. He couldn't face Sumi senpai with a poker face.

"Um…"

_Because every nerve of mine had only one wish – that is to tear all your limbs apart. _

"What's wrong?"

_How could you? Knowing that Usagi-san belongs to me, but you… _

"Misaki, are you not feeling well? Do you need me to call Usagi?"

_Usagi..? _

His eyes widened.

_Usagi? USAGI?? I'm the only one who's allowed to use that name! Not you… NOT YOU! And since when did he switch from Usami sensei to Usagi? _

He could feel the wall around him breaking down.

_Since that? So… it means that it wasn't a rumor? _

"I'm…"His shoulder trembled vigorously but the words weren't out. The long pent-up anger… there in his heart. There were too much, accumulated ever since the time when he first learnt the news, plastering up this poker face with his friends while his heart hurt, and… lying to himself by falling in love with Miyu. Why did he have to suffer? Why did this single rabbit have to mess up his life?

"Ah, I forgot. You're not with Usagi anymore." That was obviously a teasing tone.

WHY??

"DON'T.."

"Misaki!" He managed to draw all his muscle back. _No… _

From behind Sumi, the novelist trotted towards them. Misaki couldn't move a muscle. How many shocks did God intend to give him in a day? Like a movie, Usami's feet brought him closer to them. Misaki lowered his head, not daring to look.

Usami stood in between them, gave Misaki a scrutinized look before turning over to the bespectacled.

"What are you doing here?"

That was a sharp glare thrown.

"Greeting your ex," He particularly stressed on the last syllabus, a smirk spread wider on his face.

"Don't talk nonsense."

"The kiss wasn't the only thing we shared, Misaki."

"Sumi."

That was his limit. His hands weakened, as if this is the end of the world. Strong depressing liquids were gushing into his eyes. He held them in.

"We had sex every night after you're gone."

Misaki bit down on his lips. He couldn't face this anymore.

"It wasn't true, Misaki."

Why couldn't you be more objectives? Why could you still remain calm? Was it because…

"We had lots of fun, thanks to you."

… _**You never cared about losing me? **_

He backed away from the scene. Without forewarning, he felt the salty tears escaped from his eyes, rolling down.

Xxxx **JT **xxxX

"Where had you gone to this afternoon? Why didn't you pick up my phone?"

A frown fell on the professor's face. Ignoring the kid, Miyagi continued to read his newspaper, although as always, nothing could be absorb into his mind when Shinobu's childish trait was displayed.

"Miyagi, answer my question." He shifted the paper up, covering the little blonde's view.

Rage overtook his body. Shinobu hated it when Miyagi did this. It hurts his pride. He lashed out, snapping the papers into half.

Miyagi blinked.

"What are you doing?"

"Listen when people talk!" Sighing deeply rather to his own, Miyagi put down the destroyed newspaper aside.

"Shinobu, don't test my patience. I told you. He is my new associated professor. Besides, it was only a dinner."

"A dinner _alone_ with him until 11 o'clock?" Shinobu raised his voice.

"Don't make me repeat myself." Miyagi doubted the kid heard his words or not. His voice was barely audible under the strong resonance resulted from Shinobu's tantrums.

"It wasn't usual! How could you make me wait…?"

_Tssk._

'Here we go again.' That's why he hated kid.

"If being with me is such a pain to you, why don't we break up?" He unguardedly let the insensible words slipped from his mouth even before they were properly formed in his mind.

Shock hit Shinobu. For a moment, he thought Miyagi meant it as a joke. As he searched closely on his profile, with a jolt, he realized that was no trace of joke on the elder's facial expression.

None.

"You're kidding, right?" He inquired nevertheless.

"Do I look like I'm kidding?"

No.

Trembling, he clenched his fist at his sides. He wasn't going to succumb. He wouldn't cry. Not here.

"Fine!" The blonde shouted and ran out from the unit, the door slamming hard behind him.

He ran a few more steps, passed his own unit and straight towards the stairs. He was in no mood to go home. He couldn't deal with the loneliness in that house, not after a breakup with...

His feet stopped and slumped down on the wall.

_Baka Miyagi… Don't you understand what I needed?_

The darkness around him consumed him. Just like how it consumed his glass heart. The difference is, when there was a dim moonlight that lightened up the dark corridor, there was none in his heart.

A total ebony darkness. 

The sharp lump formed, like a rolling ball, rushing all the way up to his throat. He covered his face, as he found the wet warm tears seeped in between his fingers.

_All I wanted is a simple 'I love you'. _

Xxxx **TBC** xxxX

**A/N Thank you to **Cherry-Anne Sponge, kawaii hime-sama, kute-kat509, Twilight Cherry, no name, setsuko teshiba, and xXMewNekoXx for the reviews. Thanks for cheering me up!

**Sorry for the late update because I was in a writer's blocks. Anyway, ideas came back, so I'll keep this story going on. Will the next chapter be the last? I'm not sure yet. **

**But one thing for sure, chapter rating will be going up to M! **

**Again, thanks for reviewing! **


	5. Terror

**Title: Starting Over**

**Chapter 5: Terror**

**Written by: Lisse08**

**A/N: Okay… This turned out to be longer than I expected… =P So, it's not the last chapter. **

**Rating: M. **

He did it again. He must have hurt Nowaki with that.

Hiroki slapped his forehead in defeated. That sent a spasm from his fingertip down into his nerves. He winced at that. Redrawing his hand from the empty air, he gazed at the copper blood seeping from its wound at his finger. The next second, before he could think of anything, he heard the echo of the sound of water sprinkling down, hitting on Nowaki's body, down onto the tiled floor from the bathroom.

"Ah! SHIT! Why am I still standing here?"

Sucking it gently to stop bleed, he fastened his steps and hurried back into the kitchen.

He will make it up with Nowaki later with this.

A satisfied smile spread on his face.

Xxxx **JR **xxxX

"That's enough. Misaki, none of his words are true." Usagi twisted, turning back to look at the boy.

"Except for the kiss?" Sumi taunted. "Because whatever you said, you can never deny that it is true."

Ruffling sound was heard. He looked back immediately, not wanting to miss a thing. But it proved to be only something that he wished to never have seen. The floor gave away beneath his feet. Usagi swallowed back his beating heart. _No._

"Here's the solid prove." The old newspaper clip was on his hand.

"I'm leaving first!" A furious shout bucked in their conversation. Shock pulsed through the grey-haired novelist. He turned again, only to see the back of his loved running off, once more.

"Misaki!"

_This time…_

Fist tightened, Usagi chased after him. And that was before he gave Sumi a good punch on his face.

_I'm never going to let you escape from me._

Xxxx **JR **xxxX

Tears blurred his vision but Misaki kept on running. Destination? Unknown. He just knew he had to escape, escape from Usagi, escape from this reality, escape from the pain that was throbbing on his chest.

_That kiss was real._

He bumped into people as he ran, mumbling soft inaudible apologies, still, he didn't stop. He thought he heard Usagi's deep voice, calling for his name.

He gained on speed, hurrying squeezing into the bustling crowds. There was no need to wait. The light was green at that moment. So, he went ahead of others, despite the groans and disapprovals received. He did nothing more than apologies. Because he need to

_It's real…_

Escape.

…

"Misaki!" He shouted out, not caring the stares he received. When the last spark of the green disappeared from the crowd, Usami let out an angered breath.

_Damn it! I missed him again._

Xxxx **JT **xxxX

'I hate you. I hate you, Miyagi. I hate you.' Shinobu gritted his teeth tight. He walked down the stairs of the building, wandering alone. He wasn't going to let tears take over again. Perhaps, it was because Miyagi was already tired with him, he was just using this chance to break it up. This thought alone had turned the sorrow into rage.

'Meow.'

That distracted his attentions. The teenager snapped his head over into the dark alley. A pair of shining eyes reflected back at him. His heart jumped for a second, but as the tamed creature stepped itself out from the darkness, he couldn't help but smiled at the cat. At least, there is still some strayed cat that liked him. Bending down to level with the cat which was now meowing up at him, begging for sympathy, he stroke its fur gently. In response, it closed its eyes, enjoying the pleasure. Shinobu snorted. Even a cat knows how to appreciate his efforts.

A sudden metallic click startled them both, all movements ceased. It wasn't long before the cat took its first step to escape from the scene. The scent of smoke trailed in the thin air, Shinobu looked back immediately to see the intruder.

"Look what I have got here."

All his muscles tensed. Standing in front of him was a man of a well-built body, of height as high as Miyagi. On his hand held the cigarette, with a hoarse voice he used, he reminded Shinobu of the bullies that he met back then.

The man puffed out his smoke, looking at him with a sinister smile that sent the chill down to his spine.

Shinobu forced the remaining strength to flow to his weakened legs, standing up. As the guy disposed the stick down onto the ground, his heart was sinking quickly before long as he realized that there was only wall behind him. The only way of escape was through this guy.

"Ah? Leaving already?"

He narrowed his eyes and looked into the others defiantly.

"What did you want? If money is what you're looking for, I have none, so get out of my way."

"Money?" He smiled. "I could find money anywhere, with methods much easier than this, tss…" he pulled on a mediating stance, which only irritated Shinobu. "No… I'm not looking for money."

"I'm looking for something tastier." He looked straight into the brown eyes, which seemed to be trembling in its socket. That satisfied him.

Frightened by the look, Shinobu took a step back. The man advanced towards him. He glanced at his sides while beckoning away. Bad. This is really bad. If he keeps on moving like this, there will really be no way to escape.

He nearly jumped, feeling the cold touch of the bricks through his shirts when his back hit solid.

Xxxx **JT **xxxX

Resting his chin on his palm, Miyagi groaned aloud. He swept his glance for the nth time towards the door.

Quickly, he snapped back, alerted.

What the hell was he thinking? Why, why, WHY would he think that Shinobu would return _and_ apologize for what he had said? Why was he even _hoping_ for it?

His attention caught by the grandfather clock. Ten minutes haven't passed since Shinobu left and he was actually starting to miss that brat.

He crossed his arms, determined not to move.

Shinobu will return.

But as time ticked by, he was losing confidence. Guilt found its way into his heart. Annoyed, anxious, restless and irritated at the same time, Miyagi ran out from the apartment, chasing after the tracks his lover left.

Xxxx

"Shinobu." Knock, knock and knock. Still, no response was heard.

"Shinobu, open up!" Is this kid playing around with him? "Shinobu!" He reached into his pocket for his cell phone, ready to phone the boy when it hit him. He forgot.

Yes. He forgot!

Rampaged deeper into his pocket, he found the branches of keys around the key chains. After picking them out one by one, he found the least familiar key among them, the silver untainted.

How could he forget about the key that Shinobu handed him on the first day he moved in?

Eagerly, he rammed the key into the hole and opened the door. His heart was filled with more guilt when the living room that seemed to be pressing upon him entered his eyes. He hasn't realized that it was so vacant, so empty until now.

Or, has it always been like this?

His face darkened as he walked into the hall, calling out the teenager's name.

When was the last time he visit Shinobu's house?

His voice echoed back on him.

What was this feeling…?

"Shinobu!" He explored more, breaking into a run and banging into the every room.

As he stood at the end of the hall, hyperventilating, his heart was pounding hard. The result revealed that there was no Shinobu in the house.

Glimpsing on last look at the cold walls, he turned and left the house in a dash.

Xxxx

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" The boy shrieked through the night. He was cut off when the man grabbed his jaw. With his whole hand, he muffled his voices. Shinobu struggled, his fists landing on the opponent.

"It doesn't hurt, kid." In response, he returned it by slamming Shinobu into the bricks. He cried out in pain. Next second, when he could focus his eyesight, he felt the man pressing onto his body, hard. Fear and disgust flowed through every particle in his body when he felt a wet kiss on his neck. It sent a chill that had nothing to do with the night.

He had never been touched by anyone other than Miyagi. Anger consumed him.

Never.

"Get off!" Not wanting to admit defeat, he tried to wrestle his arms that were now raised high and pinned against the wall. Apparently, he still did not have enough energy compared with the masculine man. When that failed, Shinobu changed his strategy by attempting a kick. It appeared to hit its target.

The other immediately withdrew his face, holding onto his private part, cursing. Shinobu spat and smiled victoriously.

It didn't last long. A fierce killing stare was directed right into Shinobu's eyes. He cringed, fearing for the worst.

_Miyagi._

He choked when the man's big palms circled around his throat, applying strength that was way beyond gripping.

"Damn kid."

_Miyagi._

Breathing was becoming more difficult. He drew in air, hungry for more but the grip was so tight, he was choking. The boy tried to fight, but there was no strength left. All his muscles were screaming for oxygen that was slowing depriving with each second. His head was spinning, everything were going in a circle around him.

I need air.

_Miyagi, help me. _

"Let go of the kid!"

In a blink, the pressure was released. Coughing, Shinobu dropped to the ground as soon as the air flowed in without obstructions. He panted, catching his breath.

"How dare you touch my thing?"

A slam, followed by fists hitting against flesh, cursing and more punching.

Alerted, he opened his eyes wide, staring at the men in front of him twisted in a fight. They widened even more as he recognized the new guy.

Miyagi…?

The smell of blood filled the air. He cringed when the trail of red lined the side of the man's lips. Obviously, he was on the losing side and was begging to be forgiven. Still, Miyagi continued to attack with unnecessary power.

"Miyagi, stop! You need to stop! You'll kill him!" He grabbed onto the man's arms, restraining them. But as proved, his strength was no match. He was slackened off. Gritting his teeth from the pain, he realized that no words could reach the man. He was purely surrounded by the mist of anger. Shinobu shivered at the consequences. He would be responsible as well if Miyagi was imprisoned behind that bars.

He can't let this happened.

Shinobu plucked up his courage. Before he could think twice about it, he swung his body sideway, back into the battle. His heart was beating really fast that it hurts him. This is like a gamble, where if he fails… he didn't dare to picture it.

"Miyagi, do you love me?!" He shouted. A moment of distraction was all he needs. He caught hold of the fist that had now lost its strength and leaned forward, capturing the lips.

From behind him, he heard the worthless man whom he had protected scurried off like a scum. He could sense the strength in Miyagi coming back, intending to chase after the guy. But Shinobu stopped him in silent, wrapping him tight, their lips still plastered together.

He released it and stopped kissing when he felt it was enough for Miyagi to calm down. He couldn't risk overdoing this. The scenes swirled within his mind. It reminded him that they still hadn't solved their problem.

He gasped.

Miyagi didn't want to let go. Instead, he was pulled closer.

"M—Miyagi?"

"Sorry, I'm really sorry."

Shinobu allowed the silence to linger between them. Their gazes met. Breathe held in, seeing the enlargement of those eyes on him. His eyes closed, knowing what was coming. He felt the familiar lips back on his own. It was soft, like usual. Shinobu responded, kissing back. But as it goes on, he sensed something different. A hot passion, an affectionate was melt into the kisses. He couldn't catch up with Miyagi as he stuck his tongue into his mouth, praying for entry. Gasping, he clung onto the shirt, begging for air while feeling all of them being stolen away. He felt himself shaking, their body pressed close together, the heat building up within his groin. As if that wasn't enough, Miyagi's hand was desperately trying to strip him but unsuccessful. He cringed in shock when he was squeezed, sending spasm down thorough his body.

His knees weakened, dropping onto the ground.

"Mi—Miyagi… Don't you think we should leave this until we get ho… AHH!"

He shut his eyes as the hand went underneath his boxers. He held onto Miyagi's arms, trembling under the pleasure. His face was flushed red.

"Mi-Miyagi." Holding onto pieces of his remaining rational sides, Shinobu tried to reason. "This…"

"Do you think I can wait?"

"Nnhh…" Rolling the length in his hand, Miyagi felt the drip wetting his palm.

"And neither can you."

Planting a soft kiss on the blonde's forehead, he lifted his leg up to his shoulder's level.

Shinobu took in deep breathe but no matter how many times they did this, he realized that he could never be prepared for it. He cried when he felt it pushed inside him, stretching his burning muscles apart. Miyagi didn't wait for him, and thrust in deeper. He flinched.

"AHH… Don't… do…"

"Shinobu…"

Tears still stuck at the corner of his eyes, he raised his eyes, looking into the dark one.

"Do you want to move in with me?"

Dumbstruck by the sudden question, Shinobu didn't give his answer straight at the point. Miyagi never ever asked him this kind of question.

_It makes him… _

He squirmed again, as he felt Miyagi drove in again without forewarning.

"Mi—Miya…mm…" The man muffled Shinobu's voices with his kisses.

_Feel so… _

He increased the speed, thrusting in and out, breaking him down. He squirmed further, twisting and slide down onto the floor when he felt something exploded within him. As if that wasn't enough, Miyagi flipped and squished his prostate which elicited a moan from the boy. He reached up and began pumping him. Shinobu was moaning out in pleasure.

_Feel so… _

"Ah… M--Miyagi… Um… I'm … going to…"

The muscles spasm, enclosing around Miyagi's, feeling at the same time the white liquid spurted out from both within him and from his own. They both panted, catching their breath to repay the oxygen debt.

"Baka." Shinobu cursed, looking at the mess they had made on the ground.

"No one's going to know it's yours." Miyagi smiled.

"IDIOT!" Even his ears were red like tomato, how could he ever make him cry?

"Shinobu." Arms outstretched, he pulled Shinobu tight into his bare chest and held onto him.

"Wh-What…?"

"I'm never going to let go of you. So please, live with me."

_Feel so… _

"Baka…" His voice trembled. "How could I say no...?"

_Happy…_

Xxxx **JR **xxxX

Misaki stopped dead in his tracks. How could he…? He felt his body shaking.

How could this possibly happened?

Stock of shock waves washed through him, one after another, as he stood along on the street, looking across at the modern apartment in front of him.

Xxxx **JE **xxxX

'What took him so long…?' Hiroki crossed his arms, his eyes focus on the corridor leading into their bedroom, his nose picking up the mixture of the rose alcohol and a variety of food arranged nicely on the table. With two glasses filled with the red wine, the candle lighting up a romantic mood in the room.

He sighed, feeling nervous but at the same time, upset.

How long is Nowaki planning to make him wait?

**TBC**

**A/N Thanks to **

**kawaii hime-sama, Ame Hikiana, Annabel Newman, Lemonysh, Cherry-Anne Sponge, yamasasha, mikuridaigo, Aella Yuki, Twilight Cherry and toolazytoologin **

**for the reviews. **

**Reply to toolazytoologin: I'm so glad you noticed it! Yes, something happened, but it's nothing important... Shinobu fainted due to fever.**


	6. Restart

**Starting over**

**Final chapter: Restart **

**A/N: woah, I didn't update for so long. Gome… but it was really because I was in a writer block, specifically on the JE couple. The idea came to me just as suddenly as it did and I finally managed to finish up everything. Yay. **

"Nowaki." Knocking softly at first, Hiroki plastered his ears onto the wooden door, listening for the slightest noise coming out from the other side. He knocked louder. Something was definitely strange.

"Nowaki!" The known-panic feeling invaded his heart. He rushed over to the cabinet besides the television set, and fumbled through the drawers. Knocking aside all the unwanted things, he found the back-up keys. He snatched it up and hurriedly went back, unlocking the door with his hands that were trembling so badly. While trying to reassure himself that Nowaki, being a medical workers, should know way better than average people what is dangerous and what is not and would be able to take care of himself in case anything bad were to happen.

He opened the door, heart pounding. And instantly, he was stunned to his spot. Hundreds of images flew through his mind but not this.

"Nowaki." He walked nearer to the young doctor whose head was lying face down into the pillow. His suit was still the same one when he last saw him. Hiroki sat down the soft bed, which curved downwards to support the sudden weight. He reached out and touched the peaceful face.

He let out a breath that he didn't know he had been holding. Hiroki smiled in relief. He curled the soft hair in his fingers, twirling and playing with it. Being a doctor is really tire, isn't it? Something glistening caught his eyes. Curious, he reached for the small square box sitting on the desk beside. His heart jolted, anticipating for its content, an eager rush to confirm what it is. He felt his heart beat against his chest, clear and loud when his fingers touched the small red-diamond embedded ring. A small card sat underneath the box. Shakily, he pulled it out and read.

"To Hiro-san,

Love you always,

Nowaki."

He smiled, looking back at the boyfriend who was still sleeping soundly like a baby. He shook his head, disbelief overwhelmed disapproval. A choking feeling filled his throat.

Ah, well... the dinner and the wine can wait.

For now…

Hiroki leaned in closer and planted a gentle kiss on his lover's forehead, a satisfied smile on his face.

Rest well, Nowaki.

Xxxx

I missed him again!

Cursing under his breath, Usami ran his fingers through his thick hair, watching the crowd buzzing by around him.

It was eating him inside out. The tiredness, the despair, the helplessness…

Why couldn't Misaki believe him?

Carrying his legs that seemed to weight thousands tons, Usami turned and forced his body to move, back to the place where everything between them had started, and where everything between them ended.

Xxxx JR xxxxX

His eyes widened in pure shock at the boy squatting in front of the gate of his apartment. His head buried deep in between his knees, not aware of anyone or anything happening around him. Mind blank, Usami took a few steps towards the boy tentatively. He didn't know whether if he should be happy about it or not. The boy whom he had searched so thoroughly just for the chance to talk to him came so easily at that moment.

As if catching the voice in his ears, Misaki jerked up his head. His brown eyes focused on the elder man, big and round.

"Misaki." The hand stretched out, with the intention of catching the boy if he tried to move his legs away from the spot.

The truth is, he had no more strength left to run.

He was tired of running away.

Misaki stood up, staggering backwards a little due to the long hour squat. He let the blood ran through the numbed tingling toes. He looked up, into Usami's.

It's time to face, to bring out his courage to face the truth, force it out if he had to.

Thousands of words formed, thousands of excuses. There were so many things Usami wanted to say.

However the problem at that moment, when they finally came face to face, is that nothing came out from his mouth. He didn't know where to start.

"It's a lie." Usami caught the momentary silence to slip in his words. He finally got the boy's attention. The eyes that stayed connected with his were boring into his, he thought he had always understood what lies beyond those sparkling orbs, his feelings, his thoughts, everything even without needing him saying them aloud. But now, Usami knew he was wrong. He couldn't read him.

"That kiss, it was Sumi who forced it on me."

"In the newspaper, you didn't deny." He finally opened his mouth. Usami's heart pounded. His Misaki is talking to him, finally, face to face, heart to heart. His smile spread without knowing it. He never expected that there'd come one day when he would be so happy listening to this voice. For years, he had taken Misaki's existence for granted. How deep he does he love him? Is it deeper than his love for Takahiro? He never knew it until he lost him. It hurts so much that it feels like his heart was torn in half. 'Misaki…'

"You admit it?" The small voice pulled him back to reality. And that is the second phrase he is speaking. "Are you admitting it, Usami-san?"

"What?" Only then was he fully awake. Usami shook his head. "What are you talking about?"

"You didn't push him away!"

"I was drunk back then, Misaki. I admitted it was my fault for letting him close to me. But. I. Did. Not. Accept. Him." Usami hissed words by words into his ears.

"You were drunk?" Misaki laughed out softly. It was a mocking laugh that twitched Usami's guts. "Drunk enough to not bother to explain to me?"

"You never answered my calls. What am I supposed to think?" Usami angered, snatched up the boy's frail arms. What am I supposed to think? Laughed, of course, at first, it was because he knew he was angry at him, and he wanted to explain. But the other thing that came to his mind after eight months of calling and no answering was Misaki did not plan to forgive him, or better yet, he might probably have found someone better than him. What else was he supposed to think?

"_Lots of things can happen in one year, Misaki._ _You never know. You never know when you would fall in love with other girl. You never know when I would…"_ Misaki smiled back. The tone he had used shocked Usami. He was shocked that Misaki could imitate his tone so well. "Aren't you the one who told me this?"

A mist of cold ice surrounded his body.

Why would something he just slipped out unintentionally imprint so deeply in the little boy's mind for so long?

"Tell me, Usami-san. What am **I **supposed to think?" The mocking smirk continued to hang on his face, lifelessly like a corpse.

"I'm sorry." Usami said. "I'm sorry for saying those words. I'm sorry for hurting you, Misaki."

"Is that all?" The struggling became stronger. Misaki was determined to break free from this bound, now and forever.

"If that's all then, let me go, I still have to…"

"I love you." The words seemed to have a magically effect of stopping the time track. Misaki froze. All movements ceased. Their eyes crashing against each other in the suffocating air.

"I still do, Misaki." The deep uncomfortable gush choked his breathing. The vision blurred as Misaki felt something squeezed out from the corner of his eyes. "There was nothing between Sumi and I. None of what he had said back then were true. The reason why I say nothing is because I knew, the more I protested, the more you'll believe that I'm denying a fact. I thought you'd understand. I thought you always known, Misaki."

Ringtone cut into them. Usami followed the boy's gaze down into the pocket, where a light is flashing alone with the ringtone. Misaki's heart struggled. This ringtone is used specifically for her.

Hesitatingly, he used his other free hand and reached into the pocket, taking out the cell.

The caller ID flashed 'Miyu', boring into their eyes.

"Misaki."

He looked up into the novelist eyes. Their gazes brushed, as if lightning stroke through, startling the boy, Misaki averted them quickly.

"Don't answer."

'Don't look at me with those eyes,'

Words didn't get through him. Misaki flipped open his cell, answering the phone while fixing his eyes downwards to the ground.

'Don't you know that I can't resist you?'

"Hello? Misaki-kun. Where are you?" The girl voice echoed. His hands trembled with the grip. "I have been looking all over for you. Did you know that we have the rehearsal for the wedding….?"

'Click'

The voice was cut off, with a continuous 'tut' replacing her voice. Alert, Misaki felt his world spun, a tight grip on his wrist pulled him into the white building in front of him. Panicked overwhelmed him. Entering this building is the last thing on his list at that moment.

I can't stand on the land, the place full of our memories

"Usagi-san!" He shouted. Immediately after the words were out, he realized the mistake he had done.

Even Usagi had heard it. It is 'Usagi-san', not 'Usami'. A smile lighted up on his face. He still has hope after all. Subconsciously, willingly or not, a part of him still existed in the boy. This knowledge alone had lightened him up. He tightened the grip and pulled him in, stronger and firmer.

Once inside, the glass door slide close behind them, Usami wheeled around and closed their distances. His lips pressed onto his lover's dry ones. Their breathing sharpened, one from shock when the other from passionate. He pulled the boy into his hug, embracing him. The familiar scent in his nostril calmed down his racing heartbeats.

It is the feeling of safe.

And love.

He had missed this.

The struggle slowly ceased. He felt the boy's body became limp against his chest as he deepened their kisses. He parted open his lips with his tongue, Misaki's breathing became a turn-on in his ears. Misaki's tongue welcomed his with a trembling touch. Taking it as an encouragement, he pushed him into the wall, where the dark conquered the corner, their existences concealed.

Xxx JE xxX

Eyes fluttered, opening a slit, he blinked a few times before finally opening them to their full length. For a few moments, his mind was blank, but there was a feeling that he had missed something important. A soft groan attracted his attention. Only then did Nowaki realize that there was a weight equal to another person's forearms on his waist.

Immediately, he sat up in a bolt.

'He missed it!? He missed their anniversary!' Surprised and anxious, he turned to see the young male sleeping soundly behind him. Hiro-san must have been really mad. Sadness veiled his eyes. Why didn't he try to wake him up?

Fingers brushed through something hard and round on his lover's fingers. Frowning, Nowaki lifted his arms and saw something that made his breathing stopped. He melted, as if he had just consumed a sweet. He circled the fine metallic affectionately, now resting securely on his lover's fourth finger, relief and touch washed over him.

The motion seemed to stir the man from his slumber. The brown eyes emerged from behind the lids.

"Nowaki… Go-"

Hiroki watched the man before him staring at him, with a smile on his face. Instantly realized what he had done to make him so, his whole face flushed red, like a tomato. The rest of his words came out as a stutter.

To his utter surprise, Nowaki took up his lifeless palm, and planted a soft kiss on it.

"May I take this as a 'yes', Hiro-san?"

Everything in the next second happened in a flash.

Hiroki pulled out the fingers of his from the grip in a blink of eye.

His face burnt with heat he had never experienced before.

He scrambled off from the bed in hope of getting away from the source of all these. In the midst of his embarrassment, he ended up sitting on the wooden floor. A soft chuckle was heard from above. He saw Nowaki popped out his head, looking down at him.

"Hiro-san, you're cute."

"Ba---Baka!!"

"Hiro-san! Where are you going!?"

"Stop chasing me, you idiot!"

"Hiro-san! Wait!"

'Bang!'

"Hiro-san! Why are you locking yourself up in there?"

"Shut-up!!"

Xxxxx JR Xxxxx

"Misaki." He kissed him, the young male was now naked underneath him, lying on the comfy bed. There seemed to be a light pale red flushing his skin. His eyes were teary. His reddened lips resulted from his harsh biting parted open, drawing in more air to his lung.

Usami moved his hips, thrusting even deeper into the boy. A sharp gasp escaped. Misaki covered his mouth, unbelievable filled his orbs.

"Stay with me." He continued to thrust, the boy's body moved with him. Pain and pleasure were felt at the same time. Misaki bit down his lips again, he hated how his body recognized this pleasure, how his body reacted to this man.

He can pretend that he had forgotten him.

He can pretend that he no longer cared for him.

Yet, this body of his couldn't.

This heart of his couldn't.

It beats, only for him.

He circled up his legs, wrapping Usagi's waist, raising his hips up and urging him to go deeper. Every thrust heated up his insides. His moans grew louder, their breathings shallower, each eager to sent the other over the edge. He felt himself constricted around Usagi, The hot liquid spitted over their stomach and a hot gush rushed into his body in the next second.

"I can't disappoint Miyu."

Usagi's heart sank into the ground. He should have known.

"But you're willing to disappoint me?" He whispered.

"She's a girl and I have an engagement with her. Besides… I promised you nothing, Usagi-san."

Shatter. In the silence that lingered between them, he heard the soft sound, as though somewhere inside him, a fragile glass broke.

"I see… All those promises I had given you back then, they are regarded as 'nothing' in your view."

"Usagi-san."

"Are you willing to disappoint even yourself? You had done enough for others, Misaki. Think about yourself, think about what you wanted."

Nothing could hurt more than this dead silence. It felt like a cold knife stabbed through his stomach. He pulled over the quilt, covering up the naked body on the bed and pulled himself up into a sit-up position.

"I'm sorry about this. I'll leave this room by myself." He got down from the bed, heading towards the threshold of the door, his hand on the knob, "and I promised to never bother with your life anymore."

With that, he left with the door closed behind him. On the bed, the hot tears burnt Misaki's eyes. Drop by drop, they landed onto the soft fabrics, wetting them. He recognized the dark feeling, the very same one back then when he saw the news in the foreign country.

Back then, he always thought that it was the feeling of disappointment.

He was disappointed at this man for betraying his trust.

Suddenly he realized that he was wrong, that it is something else, something worse.

It is the feeling of heart-broken.

Xxxx

Usami walked down the stairs sleepily. The bed sheets, the quilts and his clothes had been changed. The boy was nowhere to be found. The fresh sun light bathed through the steel window. There was no trace of him left in the room.

Clean as white paper.

Donning on a new clothes, Usami descended down the stairs.

A strong scent of the familiar bacon and eggs floated in the air. Usami's feet stopped at the foot of the stairs. Unbelievable at what he was seeing, he stared at the table where the breakfast was served just like year ago. The water running sound was heard inside the kitchen.

He walked down tentatively, half-fearing that this was not true. As if he would wake up any minute, realizing that this was just a dream.

"Good morning."

Startled, he could only gap as the boy walked into the dining table.

"Misaki…?"

"I hope you don't mind." Misaki ran his hand through his hair, looking sheepishly at the dishes. "You still have the same security numbers, so I… I walked in here."

"Why are you here?"

The question got the boy rooted to the ground. He stared up at the man's eyes before quickly shifting them to look at outside the window.

"I broke up with Miyu." His voice was soft as a cricket.

No more words are needed.

Usami smiled, warm-hearted. The day had never been brighter than today. He strode towards the boy, hastening his speed with each step. Scooping his lover into his hug which caused the boy to gasp, he pushed him into his chest, crashing him. Wetness stained his clothes. Before he knew it, he had kissed off the tears on the little boy's wet face.

'I choose you.'

The answer's as simple as that.

Love's like a game. A dangerous one.

You can pause it, you can restart it.

However, for most people out there, the 'restart' button never works.

But for them...

….

"_Mmmnn… Stop it! Usagi-san!" _

**Pause**

"Usagi-san! Why do you have to record this!?"

**Resume**

"_I can't get enough of you." _

"_Nn…" _

**Pause. **

A certain boy put down his books, blushing furiously at the screen.

"Will you stop playing with it!?"

"No. It made me hard every time I watched it."

**Resume**

"_Perv! Stop! I need to rest. I have work tomorrow!" _

"_Rejected." _

Controller snatched over. Misaki fumbled with it.

**Pause**

"_Mmm…" _

"Not this."

**Resume**

"Damn!"

**Pause**

"_Aaah…" _

"Nice shot, Misaki."

"Someone please tell me how do I turn this off!??"

**Resume**

"_This is the fourth time already!!! Aahh… I hate you…" _

**Pause**

Usami took over the controller.

"Here. Let me teach you."

**Restart. **

"AGAIN!?"

Xxxx End Xxxxx

Thank you thank you thank you again for your supports. :mwaah:

Next story to be finished will be 'sweet distraction'. Ahh... please let me have the spirit to write them out. *cry*


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